Moving On.

Never thought that painful memories could still be unlocked because of a song...

Never thought that my past was still so vivid and that some things you could never really forget no matter how hard you try. No matter how the present situation make you happy, there are still some things that are truly hard to forget....

Sleeping With The Enemy

BRIDGE

"You believed him when he said

'I'll always love you'

You believed him when he said
'I'd always care'

You believed him when he said
'I won't hurt you'

You believed him when he answered
The priest 'Ido'

But you didn't have any clue
That you'd be...

Sleeping with the enemy
Living life
Dangerously
Sleeping with the enemy
Home is not the place to be.

You hide
The bruises on your neck
And you lie
About the wounds of your heart
What you don't know
Is that everyone
Can see through your eyes
The blood of tears
Yu cried

Haven't you read
The news today
A woman almost died

Cause she's...

Sleeping with the enemy
Living life
Dangerously
Sleeping with the enemy
Home is not the place to be."

Heard this song for the first time a few months back and I was taken aback by how I was hit by it. I actually cried. Really, I did, big time! What surprised me was that no amount of healing could protect you from painful pasts. I have moved on, I have healed but going back still is painful maybe because while I was still trapped in the situation, I hid the truth from my family, friends and most people that mattered to me. As the song said, I lied about every bruise and every mark, I had to make them believe that everything was alright maybe because I had to convince myself too! I only started to be able to recount everything to people who are close to me when I finally able to get of it. That was when I started to say the things that I kept secret. It was liberating. It was part of moving on. It was healing.

I was moving on. I started to love myself. I started to realize that I could only love someone else when I learn to love myself fully. I learned to appreciate myself and my talents and not be afraid to let people know and acknowledge that I am important. I learned to love in my own terms. I learned to prioritize myself and my children.

I have been very blessed. Blessed to have family and friends that have kept me from going insane. Friends who have thought me to move on and learn from the past. Blessed for having children that understood and continue to understand. Blessed for having the courage and strength to move on. Blessed for having a second chance.

But moving on does not mean mentally blocking the past. That was a mistake, I simply had to accept the fact that I made a mistake, we both made a mistake. Going back would most definitely generate tears but I need those memories too. For me to realize my worth and that I do not deserve to be treated that way. I need them to realize how beautiful life is and how much more I could with it.